


Erwin and Levi's Home Run Derby

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 20:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7377052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Erwin face their biggest adversary yet: a children's flash game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erwin and Levi's Home Run Derby

Levi is halfway through breakfast when Erwin brings it up.

"So I heard about this flash game," Erwin says. "It's supposed to be really hard."

Levi arches an eyebrow, pausing with a spoonful of yogurt in front of his open mouth. He puts his spoon down. "And you're telling me this... why?"

Erwin shrugs as he puts his dirty plate into the dishwasher. "I dunno, I just figured I'd try it out. Want to play it with me? It's a single player baseball game, but we could take turns or something..."

Levi sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "What's it called?" he asks. Really, he shouldn't be humoring his boyfriend; the man has, on more than one occasion, roped him into playing some random game he found out about online, and they almost always sucked.

Erwin purses his lips, and looks somewhat embarrassed as he says, "Winnie the Pooh's Home Run Derby."

" _What?_ " Levi says, unable to contain a snort of laughter. "Seriously?"

Even now, after all this time, he still has trouble coming to terms with the fact that he accepted the proposal of a big blonde doofus. Erwin actually  _pouts_ a little, folding his arms across his broad chest and leaning against the counter.

"From what I've heard, it's unexpectedly difficult, and I was thinking we could check—"

With a fond sigh, Levi gets up from the table and begins to clean up what's left of his breakfast. "I have to go to work in thirty minutes," he says. "Have fun with your kid's game, though. I'm sure you'll do great."

Erwin still looks put out, but by the time Levi has gotten ready and is almost out the door, he's all smiles again, giving Levi a goodbye kiss and wishing him a good day at work. Levi glances back at him before he shuts the door; Erwin is already sitting down at the desk, opening his laptop and preparing to start up the children's game.

 

\---

 

Levi can't remember the last time he felt this tired. His shift at work had been a long one. The normally lax tea shop had been unexpectedly busy, and now all Levi wants to do is to get to his and Erwin's small apartment and collapse onto their bed.

His feet ache as he trudges up the four flights of stairs, and he sighs with relief as he unlocks the door to his apartment.

"You will not believe how busy it was," he says as he takes off his shoes and swings the door shut behind him. "I don't think I've ever seen so many—"

"SON OF A FUCKING BITCH."

Levi looks up at the sound of Erwin's yelling, utterly surprised. Erwin just swore. He  _never_ swore, not unless something terrible was happening, or he was extremely angry.

Erwin is still sitting at the desk, his head bowed, his hands clutching his hair. He lets out a pained groan, but still looks up as Levi walks over to him. He looks like shit: his hair tousled, his face flushed, and what looks like dried tears staining his cheeks.

"I never thought I could hate a cartoon owl so much," he croaks.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Levi asks as he leans over, looking at the screen.

On the screen is what looks like a scoreboard. On it, there's a picture of Owl, several Japanese words that he doesn't know, and the numbers 19 and 18.

"So what am I looking at, exactly?" he asks.

"I'm supposed to get a certain number of home runs before he runs out of baseballs," Erwin says wearily, "But this is impossible. This is fucking impossible."

Levi grits his teeth. "I'm going to make some tea," he says. "Want some?"

"Please."

Erwin continues to swear and grumble at the screen as Levi gets the tea ready, and by the time he comes back with two cups, Erwin looks like he's on the verge of throwing the laptop out the window in sheer anger.

"Move over," Levi says, all traces of his earlier exhaustion gone. "I want to try."

"Do some of the easier levels first," Erwin says, "Just so you get used to it."

"Yeah, yeah," Levi replies. He selects Rabbit. "This can't be  _that_ bad."

He freezes in shock as Rabbit pitches the ball. First it goes slowly, then speeds up right before going over the plate. Levi barely has time to react, and he strikes out.

"What the fuck?"

"It gets so much worse," Erwin says, taking a sip from his cup.

 

\---

 

Levi gets the hang of Rabbit ("He's actually pretty easy, once you get used to it," Erwin tells him), and he tries out the other characters. The first three are straightforward, but Kanga and Roo throw a ball that fucking  _bounces_. Finally, Levi gets fed up and decides to take on the level that had Erwin so frustrated.

"Owl, huh?" Levi says as he clicks on the picture. "What does he do, again?"

Before Erwin can answer, Owl throws the ball. It zig-zags left and right, and Levi completely misses when he attempts to hit it. Levi gapes at the screen.

"Physics doesn't work like that," he mutters.

"I know," Erwin says, his voice thick with sympathy.

Levi doesn't stand a chance. He only manages to get three home runs before the round is over. "This is a  _children's_ game?" he asks.

"It's supposed to be," Erwin replies.

"If a child played it, they would fucking cry," Levi says. "This is insane."

"Keep going. I need a break," his boyfriend says before he leaves, no doubt going into the bedroom to cool off for a bit.

Levi almost calls him back, but he can do without the emotional support. For now.

 

\---

 

When Erwin finally returns, Levi has made very little progress. He has managed to consistently get about ten home runs, but no matter how many times he hits the damn ball, he still mostly gets fouls and hits.

"This is impossible," he says numbly. He gets up from the desk. "Here, you try. I'm done. I can't take this."

"Alright," Erwin says.

Levi trudges towards the sofa and flops down onto it before screaming into the pillow.

 

\---

 

He eventually gets back up and rejoins his boyfriend, watching and chatting with him as he struggles to get nineteen home runs. Finally,  _finally_ , after what seems like hours, the number nineteen flashes on the screen. Levi feels like weeping with joy.

"Eat shit, Owl!" he exclaims. He never thought he would ever say that in his entire life, yet here he is, jeering at a goddamn Disney character.

"That was a nightmare," Erwin moans, yet he still grins. "Shall we see who's next?"

Levi knows he should stop. He knows he should tell Erwin to close the tab, shut the laptop, and get on with their lives without ever thinking about this again. Instead, he nods as he and Erwin swap places so that Levi can have a go.

"Yeah, sure."

 

\---

 

When Tigger throws a ball, Levi doesn't know what to expect. Certainly not the ball turning invisible.

"Bull fucking shit," Levi mutters.

 

\---

 

Twenty-eight out of forty. That's how many home runs they need to get to proceed, yet each time, no matter who is playing, they never get anywhere near close.

"I regret everything I've ever done," Erwin moans as he hands the controls over to Levi.

"We can do this. I know we can do this," Levi says, more to himself than his boyfriend.

 

\---

 

Eventually, they have to stop. It's 11pm, neither of them have eaten dinner, and both of them have work in the morning.

"We  _will_ beat this game," Erwin says firmly as they both climb into bed.

"Yeah, I know we will," Levi agrees.

 

\---

 

Days pass. Both Levi and Erwin are too busy with work to do much more with the game until the weekend rolls around. Then they both have two days off, and they fully intend to spend it wisely.

"Let's show Tigger who's boss," Erwin says.

Levi nods, hesitates, then says, "You go first."

 

\---

 

Another day passes. They play the game with large breaks in-between to maintain their sanity, and on Sunday afternoon Erwin almost chokes on his coffee when Levi suddenly screams.

"FUCK YEAH! EAT SHIT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE TIGER!"

"You did it," Erwin says, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. "You beat him."

Levi leans back in the chair and runs a hand down his face. "That was torture," he moans. "I almost didn't make it. I had one ball left. If I'd messed that up..."

"But you didn't," Erwin says soothingly, pressing a kiss to the corner of Levi's mouth. "You won."

"Yeah," Levi says breathlessly. He sits up straighter. "Let's see who's next... Christopher Robin?"

"I wonder what he does," Erwin says.

"Maybe he shuts down the game for you," Levi says. "We have all the upgrades, right?"

"Yeah, we're maxed out."

"Alright," Levi says, clicking on Christopher Robin's picture. "Let's go. There's no way he can be worse than Tigger and Owl."

 

\---

 

Thirty seconds later, Levi and Erwin gape at the screen in shock.

"...Son of a bitch," Levi says softly.

 

\---

 

Five rounds later, Levi has his head in his hands, Erwin is thumping his head against the desk, and they're no closer to beating what essentially amounts to the final boss of the game. Levi doesn't think he'll ever be able to look at anything Winnie the Pooh related ever again.

"This kid is a demon," Levi says. "A fucking demon. A demonic god of baseball. He must be. I hate him."

"I know, I know," Erwin says. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For getting us into this. I am so sorry."

"Don't apologize," Levi says, hesitates, then adds. "I'm never going to have sex with you again, though. This is terrible."

Erwin just groans. Later, after they're forced to shut down the game, they end up having sex anyway. Just to take their minds off things.

 

\---

 

Days pass. They play whenever they can, declining their friends' invitations to go out and eat, or visit, or do anything aside from trying to beat this game. They spend work going over strategies, Erwin finds himself drifting off while grading his students' papers, thinking of the damn invisiballs Christopher Robin throws, wondering how the hell a little kid could throw so fast. Levi catches himself trying to think if there's any way to predict what kind of pitch the kid will throw next while he's at the register. They sit down at the laptop together during most of their free time, trying to vanquish what Levi keeps referring to as the "Elder God of baseball." They begin to record their sessions using Fraps, just so that if they do win, they will have proof of their victory. Instead they only get failure after failure.

They make no progress. What few home runs they do score are drowned out by strikes, foul balls, and regular hits. They have to get forty out of fifty home runs, and as the days go by, they lose almost all hope.

"We can't kill a god," Levi says one night. Erwin silently agrees.

 

\---

 

Forty out of fifty. Erwin has one ball left, and currently has scored thirty-nine home runs. He and Levi stare at the screen, tense and sweating, all their attention focused on their one shot to beat this game.

Erwin gets a foul, and they both scream in pure frustration.

 

\---

 

One of their neighbors practically knocks down their door and complains of all the yelling and swearing they've been doing, and the two of them say they'll keep it down. They try, they really do. But as the continue to get thirty-nine home runs over and over, they can't help but beg for the sweet embrace of death.

 

\---

 

Levi has no idea why they keep playing this game. He knows they can give up, he knows that they're wasting time trying to do the impossible. Erwin says that it might be because that neither of them can back down from a true challenge. Levi think that that might be it, but he doesn't know for sure. All that matters is that Christopher Robin is an asshole and they both hate him with every fiber of their being.

 

\---

 

A week has gone by when Erwin once again has scored thirty-nine home runs. He can barely breathe, and Levi is clinging so hard to the wooden back of the chair that his knuckles have gone white. Their hearts skip a beat when Christopher Robin throws one of Owl's pitches. Erwin knows he can lose, and yet...

 _Knock this one out of the park,_ Levi thinks, remembering one of the photoshopped fanarts they've seen.

Erwin swings, the sound of the bat striking the ball rings out through the apartment. They both wait with baited breath as it goes forward slowly, too slowly, and surely it's not going to make it, it's going to be a hit instead of a home run...

Orange letters pop up on the screen. Levi might not be able to read Japanese, but he knows what they mean.  _Home run._

The both of them weep tears of joy as the victory chime plays on the results screen.

"You did it," Levi says, grinning, hardly able to believe what just happened.

"We did it," Erwin replies.

Levi sniffs and wipes his eyes. "We took down a god."

Erwin gets up and kisses him. Levi kisses him back, and after a moment they pull back from each other, staring at each other with expressions of pure joy.

"Want to put this on YouTube?" Erwin asks.

"Hell yes," Levi says breathlessly. After all, who can resist showing the world that you achieved the impossible?

Levi knows that they've probably just wasted a lot of time, but he hardly cares. He doesn't regret it, and neither does Erwin. After all this time, victory is theirs.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you guess what game I've been playing?
> 
> Seriously I've been stuck on Tigger for three days I needed to vent my feelings about this hellhole of a game. Go [here](http://games.kids.yahoo.co.jp/sports/013.html) if you want to suffer.


End file.
